dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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