so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
