Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
