we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
