i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
