would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You took a bar mat shot.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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