Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
