I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
