Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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