I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
