ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
