it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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