She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
