wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
