Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
is wine microwaveable?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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