He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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