We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
