i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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