god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
