He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
