Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
