This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize