remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
