Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
