Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
