it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
