I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
