I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
