i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
