Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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