ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
