idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
