so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
