yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
