Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
