So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
