watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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