Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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