you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
