How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
