a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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