Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
