you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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