no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
