I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
