He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
