I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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