Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
