Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
