Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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