Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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