she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
