I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
