imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
