You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
These tits shall not be calmed
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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