you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
