No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
