obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
