I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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