On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
