I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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