somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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