I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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