He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize