Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
