She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
