yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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