he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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