My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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