Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize