I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
